She changed her mind again,
“I don’t want the order.”
A while back, while covering one of our westside courts, a lady came in requesting an order of protection against her boyfriend. When I started to ask her questions about why she needed the order of protection, she changed her mind and said to cancel the order. Then. she changed back and said, “No, I want you to issue the order. Tell him to stay away and never see me again.”
I proceeded filling out the order and she changed her mind again and said, “No, I do not want the order.”
I crossed out all I had written and wrote “did not issue” in the log. Then, she said, “No, I want him to leave me alone.”
I stopped and started asking her to think this issue through and to examine her actions. “What are your long-term goals?” I asked.
She was very confused and the relationship was complicated. After some conversation, I believe she started to realize she had to get her own house in order and make some hard choices. All the blame for her problems was not just on one side. As in so many domestic issues, it’s a love-hate relationship.
A love-hate relationship. Domestic relations are complicated. Once I asked a lady, “Why do you keep going back into a relationship where you keep getting abused?”
She said, “When he beats me, it only hurts a little while. When me and the kids are hungry, it hurts a long time.”
The courts can help by issuing orders of protection. But in the long term, the solution depends on you making some very hard choices. We can change ourselves, but we cannot change the other person. So, accept what they are and make your plans on the assumption they will not change. Plan carefully and execute your plan, and do not deviate from your plan. Do not accept promises they will change, only accept positive actions, and see some positive results over a period of time that they have changed. Get some professional help with understanding yourself.
Lesson: Domestic relationship disputes are very complicated.
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